Crates or Sacks?

If you are living in Sri Lanka, you would definitely be aware of the major commotion related to the change in laws for transporting vegetables. Most seem to think the intention behind enforcing such a law is good, but the process of planning and implementing is poor.

On one side, the farming community (including the middle-man, or should I say middle-person?) are trying to save every cent to maximize profit. On the other side we seem to have a minister who is not willing to compromise having being frustrated by delays in enforcing the law and also smarting from a slightly bruised ego.

I quite like the article below (if you ignore the political brownie points it seems to be trying to score). Looks like this Harsha dude knows what he is talking about (at least in this instance).

http://www.lbo.lk/fullstory.php?nid=1755694470

So what is your take on this? A country like India seems to be wasting as much as 40% of veggies during transportation and storage. I believe it is much less here in Sri Lanka. Nevertheless, will crates save a considerable amount of wastage as indicated by the minister? Or is he just trying to get rid of some plastic items probably offloaded to us by our big brother China? Do the farmers have solid reasons to oppose such a law? Or are they just resisting change just for the sake of it?

Let's have your say friends....

Southern Highway – would you dare?

Now that the opening up of southern highway is just around the corner, a few of us at work have been contemplating when it would be “safe” to get on it. The estimates varied. Here is a summary.

At least after the first 6 months : Reason being that the moment it opens up, there will be a flood of morons who would try to taste what it would be like to legally drive at 100kmph – assuming that it would be very different to doing the same illegally as they have done since getting behind a vehicle for the first time. The only silver lining here is that it will probably eliminate some of these brain-cell-challenged-maniacs – probably a few offspring of some ministers together with their expensive duty-free rides. I just hope they won’t take a few innocent folks with them when they go.

In the first 6 months and then from 18 months onwards : Essentially stay away from the road 12 months after the first 6 months. The argument here is that during the first 6 months, sanity will prevail and people will hopefully take it slow – what this being a new thing and all. After that they will slowly gain confidence and try to push the limits. “If 100kmph is legal, what’s the fun in driving at that?”. This will last for about 12 months until authorities wake up and start putting cops behind trees with speed guns, sniper guns and bribe collecting tins.

Never, infact take the Galle road : Two reasons for this. First is that our drivers don’t use their indicate lights for a toss and the break-lights don’t work on most vehicles that were made two years or earlier – and as my friend rightfully pointed out, at 100kmph both those mistakes can often be fatal. The second reason being that most morons out there would have started using the new highway. Galle road will become relatively moron-free.

Personally, I will adopt a wait-and-see policy on this.

Face-off with Facebook

Now that I’ve touched on LinkedIn, let me state my opinion about it’s more social/informal counterpart, Facebook. Now we all know how successful and addictive it has become. I have been pleasantly surprised and amazed by the number of long lost fiends I have discovered due to Facebook. Some of them after more than 20 years.

But there is the proverbial “other side of the coin” that we must always look at. The one that give pedophiles yet another tool (a very effective one at that) to exploit unwary children, a place where Spammers can go to town, an avenue to easily and unintentionally expose your deep dark secrets to millions of strangers and an addictive tool which can become the most effective time waster since the introduction of news bulletins at national TV networks.

But more than anything what I cannot comprehend is why in the world some folks want to invite total strangers into their “friend list”. Is it because they think it might be “cool” to have a “friend list” that exceeds the 500 or even the 1000 mark? I of course reject these invites. But I know some don’t.

Any idea why?

D-Day

It's 26th already and I am still not sure who to vote for.

Apart from winning the war (which was a great feat) MR really hasn't done anything extraordinary. And the fact that he called the election early shows that he wanted to secure more number of years as the president while the proverbial iron is hot.

On the other side, SF is a strange fellow - mysterious, bitter and with a shady past. To me, his intentions are purely to take revenge from the Rajapaksa's family. And I don't care much for his bedfellows (JVP) either. Although I sympathise with him for how he was treated by the government in the recent past, I can't risk the country's future on a personal vendetta between him and MR.

So I will probably end up voting for MR. I guess the known devil is better than the unknown one. Then again, there are 18 other candidates too...

What's hot and what's not!

I’ll be the first to admit that I am not into fashion. For instance, among other garments, I have 3 light blue shirts and three black trousers in my wardrobe - often cause for confusion in situations I ask my wife “can you iron my light-blue shirt for tomorrow dear?”. I am someone who likes to stick with what I know and rarely experiment or try out the “in-thing”. But I believe that even I know a fashion-disaster when I see one. Now you may or may not agree with me, but I would like to put it out there and see what others think. So here is a list of what I think are fashion “no-nos” just like what Hulk-Hogan is to WWF.

Men
Brown shoes or belt with black or blue dress pants
White shoes with dark pants (unless you are umpiring a day-night cricket match)
White socks with dark pants (unless your name happens to be Michael Jackson – even then it is not fashionable anymore)
T-shirt with dress pants
Ear-studs
White pants or white dress shoes (unless you are a pimp)
Wireless mobile headsets worn in public – especially when not on a call (So far I haven’t seen women indulging in this)
Loosened neckties (I see this often at after-office gatherings - why not remove it altogether?)

Women
Too much makeup
Ridiculously high heels
Tiger/leopard skin look-alike designs on garments
Straitened hair (still passable but might no longer be by the time I push the “post” button)

Uni-sex
Shades worn on the forehead
Shades worn indoors (unless you have a medical condition)

I am certain I have missed out some. So have a go at it….

Bag it!

It is pandemonium at the local supermarket. Eggs, Crisps, Fresh meat and Baby dipers all in the same bag. Customers cursing all the way from checkouts to their vehicles. They have stopped issuing free bags at the checkout. Either you are supposed to buy those plastic bags, or bring your own bags. The reason? – Another step towards protecting the environment. A good initiative I must admit, but they don’t seem to have planned the implementation that well. They could have issued quality paper bags instead of the plastic ones and avoided all the fuss.

Any comments?

Are you a 'Java Graduate'?

Let me be serious for a change.

I recently had the opportunity to work with a highly talented bunch of individuals from a leading University in Sri Lanka. From what I have seen so far, them lot seem to be die-hard Java fans. Being as old as I am, I was brought up as a C/C++ programmer. But I had the opportunity to work with many other programming languages since then; one of which was Java. I thought it might be useful if I share some of my views in trying to answer the age old question that software engineering students seem to be having when coming out to the industry.

“What language should I specialize in?”

Naturally, we tend to side with the programming language which we are most familiar and good with. At the start of your career this is good as it gives you a jump-start at your job placement. You have enough things to worry about than having to learn a whole new programming language.. right?... well, the answer might not be that simple.

Yes, it is good to do the thing you know. But generally speaking, you will know a particular language well mainly as most of your course work would have been based on that language. Maybe a particular lecturer was better in teaching you one language as opposed to another. Maybe the course syllabus was setup a few years ago and at the time a particular base programming language was selected as the most popular in the industry. Maybe you had friends out there who were experts in one language and your judgment was biased based on that.

Maybe you shouldn’t be worried about a specific programming language after all. Wouldn’t you like to shock the interview panel of your first job by saying “I can program in any object oriented language out there”? Can you really do that? What if I tell you that most software developers with more than 7 years of work experience generally think like that? Given the opportunity they really can. True, they might have to get a quick refresher course on the latest technologies associated with the new language, but the language syntax is fast becoming a non issue. Online and compiler help is so good these days that I was able to learn Java on the job within 2 weeks.

But can you do that as a fresh graduate coming out of the University? Perhaps not on your first job – as most of the time, it is the hardest to secure. But from day one, in my opinion, you should think as a software engineer.

After all, your degree is in software engineering – not in java programming (or in any other language for that matter).

Sree, Bhajji and the White man.

What an absolute disgrace! Men slapping other men. Men slapping? Men don’t slap. They punch. That is the manly thing to do. And grown men sobbing in public like a 5 year old girl who just dropped her lolly? What is going on?

These Indians are crazy. Either they are in-your-face-agro like what they did in Australia a few months ago or crying their hearts out like they’d been hit by a canister of tear-gas at a JHU may-day rally. Anyone who can see through a Klinsmann fake dive at a soccer match can surely see through the sorry sight of Sreesanth sobbing after the cricket match the other day. Surely he was trying to milk it for all it’s worth. I’m sure he didn’t bargain for Bhajji to be handed out a 10 match ban for all his trouble.

As for Bhajji, he had it coming… sooner or later it had to happen. He really deserved to be punished.

And what do the Aussies think of all this? I bet Symmo and Pointing must be having a good laugh over a pint. The problem with these sub-continent types is their “white-man-complex”. Either they go all out and lick the white man’s boots, or they call everything a racial conspiracy and try to get the upper-hand that way. The latter worked somewhat in the nineties, but it is not fooling anyone anymore.

So maybe they must invent something new. Forking out some serious cash and getting the white man into the IPL might just be the tip of a grand “iceburg” of a plan.

Only time will tell.

Some mothers do have ‘em! – Part 2

For those who read my last post, I am about the reveal our findings. For those who haven’t the foggiest what I’m on about, following is somewhat of a dramatized (and mostly cynical) version of personalities we (my drunken school buddies and I) believe exists in some Technical Organizations in Sri Lanka. All readers please keep in mind that I have not tried to portray any organization in particular. I’m attempting to paint a picture of a rather fictitious office. Any resemblance if exists is purely coincidental and not intended.

Big Wig

Is the Boss, the Don, the General, the El Supremo. Forget the board of directors - this person has absolute power – no matter what the constitution or company articles say. Anyone with half a brain will quickly wise-up to this fact. “Arse lickers” will waste no time – they will start working on him as if there is no tomorrow. The Big Wig will get the best spot in the car park, the best room in the office, the best laptop, the best furniture… I think you get the picture. But what is less apparent is that the Big Wig almost always listens to the Director’s recommendations.

Director

Although the Big Wig can ultimately overrule any action of a Director, it rarely happens. The relationship between these two is similar to a typical hierarchy in a Sri Lankan household. As the famous saying so eloquently put it, “Pa is boss as everyone knows, but what Ma says always goes”. And in most organizations the Big Wig is wise enough to allow the directors to make recommendations. Unlike the Big Wig, a Director’s absence is not highlighted very much. As a result some directors tend to take time off willy-nilly and can be seen at trendy coffee shops or the local golf course during the day. They also tend to travel a lot… and on business class too. Such liberties are mostly seen as wasting company money while contributing Jack (which sometimes is not very far from the truth).

Senior Manager

Way past his/her best. This person is very unlikely to move higher in the corporate ladder. The company doesn’t have the heart or in some instances, the courage to let him/her go. So instead, gives a corner room and assigns some unimportant piece of assignment and a couple of subordinates to keep him/her occupied. Most of the time it will be administrative work that is impossible to complete.

Manager

Supposed to report to the Senior Manager in theory. But is convinced the most effective way to perform is only if he/she bypasses two notches and reports directly to the Big Wig. And in most cases this is exactly what happens. As a result, most things the manager does (including stupid mistakes) get exposed at the highest levels of the organization and outside. By the time the mistakes are identified, it is too late to do anything. The cunning kind will always (and skillfully) put the blame on their subordinates in such cases, but is quick to claim any positive criticisms if any.

Junior Manager

Is the real worker. Most of the time, he/she will be called in to cover the Manager’s arse when the shit hits the fan. They work best when he/she has an un-dying appreciation for the Manager. Mostly a thankless job where he/she is not high enough on the corporate ladder to be able to claim fringe benefits like expense accounts, entertainment claims and worthwhile medicals nor he/she is low enough to be able to qualify for overtime double pay. Ends up working around the clock and develops alcohol addiction, heart conditions, gastritis and broken marriages as a result.

Techie

On par with junior Manager on the ol’ ladder. But has superior technical knowledge and the only kind who knows what exactly is inside the box that is being sold. Due to this reason, everybody (including the Big Wig) will tolerate their antics and occasional tantrums. A typical spoilt brat. Doesn’t give a damn about job security and what anyone else in the company thinks of them. Someday will be promoted to the Manager post and then his/her world starts crashing down like dominos.

Engineer

Has no idea of the company’s goals. Does exactly what the Techie tells them to do. Best describes as a worker ant or a production-line robot. Only goal in life is someday to end up in middle management as a Techie or a Junior Manager.

Trainee

This person sees the company best for what it really is. Will know exactly who pinched whose bottom at the Christmas party. But they don’t dare spill-the-beans or rock-the-boat during their “trainee” period. Secretly develops an infatuation for the most attractive person of the opposite sex at office. Most of the time this is the office Bimbo or the Chippendale in office admin.

Office Bimbo/Chippendale

Can be found in office admin mostly. Hired for their friendliness and attractiveness than anything else. Adds colour to the office. Also serves as the sole motivation for some employees to turn up at office in the morning. Usually ends up providing a rather entertaining story after the office Christmas party. Usually the Big Wig, a Director or a Senior Manager is also somehow entangled.

Consultant

The biggest fraud since fried ice-cream. All-fart and no-shit type of person. Manages to convince the Director or the Senior Manager to extend his/her contract for another year by claiming credit for someone else’s work. Or in some cases simply by using fear tactics. Appears to be busy most of the time in order to put off anyone trying to figure out exactly what this person does in the organization. While middle management and beyond falls for his/her charade, the actual worker ants and below will ridicule this personality behind his/her back everytime they get the chance.

Well,.. did I leave anyone out?

Some mothers do have ‘em! – Part 1

Big-match weekend! What a great excuse for getting back together with my old classmates and swig a few beers on a searing Saturday in Colombo.

Although I promised to be at the “grounds” at 11 am, I got held up at the dentist. I had to take my seven year old to the dentist y’see. It’s amazing how her teeth needs attention just as she is about to lose them for more permanent ones. I have been delaying it hoping for the toothfairy’s visit. Maybe I forgot to tip the toothfairly when I was young – for she never arrived in time. I digress...

Anyway,.. it was way past noon when I managed to haul myself up to the grounds. As I was reaching the entrance… “tweet, “tweet”... oh great! An SMS on a Saturday can only mean one thing… emergency at work! Cursing, I checked out the SMS. To my relief it was from one of the guys I was supposed to meet.. telling me they took off to lunch. They want me to come to FD for lunch. I knew better than to complain… after all I was at fault for being late.

As I was reaching FD, I could hear them blokes a mile away. Even from outside the door it was apparent that large volumes of alcohol are already in their bellies and in their bloodstreams. I pity the waiters who have to put up with such boisterous sorts in such instances.

I entered the private dining area to the obvious delight of the guys already under influence. Once the handshakes and high-fives (yes, we are still sixteen) were over, I settled down and promptly orders some drinks (soft ones… yes, they did “boo” at me for that). For some reason, seeing these guys already “blowing in the wind” and the prospects of “catching up” with a few tequilas wasn’t really attractive to me at the time. At Zanziba’s on a Friday night would have been a different case altogether.

Before long, the food came. And it was disappointingly ordinary for FD. Maybe the waiters wanted to teach us a lesson. After all it was Chinese and Confucius did say “He who is drunk will get no tasty food”. Or was it my mother-in-law who said that? Nevertheless, we were all famished and started to gobble up the grub. As the food hit our stomachs and the digestive enzymes did their thing, the conversation turned more civil and actually enjoyable (mum, if you are reading this, we didn’t speak with our mouths full). At this stage I must inform you that three out of the seven guys there were in IT industry, one in telecom, another in apparel (or in “garment” as we Sri Lankans like to put it) and the remaining two managing their own businesses. Quite predictably we started sharing stories from work (yes, we do not have a “life”... none of us are in entertainment or hospitality or fashion or advertising.. okeeeyyy??)

When we started comparing our workplaces, their personalities and their management styles (don’t you just love such talk?... they give me goosebumps), it dawned on us that there were definitely clear and identifiable groups of personalities across our workplaces. So we started to explore that over the traditional lychees. Of course being the sensible and leaner member of the group, I went for the caramel-de-cholesterol pudding.

I wanted to let them know that I might just be able to blog it... but then that would have been too geeky and would have surely received an even louder “booo”.

...to be continued!

Sorry Machan

They say every individual is different and cannot (or should not) be stereotyped. But I disagree and think as Sri Lankans, we clearly show certain “qualities” that give us that unique signature style. Now… I’m not taking about these new age, culturally merged, fast-food bellied, coffee shop loving, lets-do-lunch type Lankans. They have a totally separate set of habits – which I don’t intend to go into on this article. I’m talking about the original, full-blooded Sri Lankan you find at the Sunday Pola^*1 or on a typical “Private Bus”^*2.

We smile at everything; when we are happy, when we make a mistake, when we are stressed out, even when we are constipated (that comes from my friend who admitted that smiling helps very much… go figure!). Heck, we see some lunatic driving straight at you the wrong way on a one-way street. He will stop right in front of your vehicle and give you the best smile he can muster - somewhere in that smile are an apology and a request for you to make way for him. Of course being a Sri Lankan you would know that.

We overuse words like sorry, aunty (or uncle)^*3, sir, and machan^*4. Very frequently using them more than once in the same sentence. For example, it is not uncommon for us to say “Machan, sorry machan”.

We have an opinion on just about everything. From running the country to the selection of the national cricket team, we believe we can do better than whoever is in control.

The concept of doing something on time is mostly limited to a few auspicious events during traditional New Year’s celebrations. Being late for something is no big deal for us. It is common for someone to not turn up for an appointment and not even apologize for it when they finally do meet. The strange thing is that the other party will be fine with this –they won’t even expect an explanation.

Sri Lankans are touchy-feely type of people. When friends meet they tend to hold each other’s hands throughout the entire conversation (especially if you bump into a friend of the same sex on the road). Most non-Sri Lankans will put a homosexual connotation to this behavior – but we know better.

Just try paying the bill after you’ve just had a meal in a nice restaurant with several of your Sri Lankan friends. Every single person at the table will want to pay that bill, regardless of who is hosting the meal or the amount of the bill. They won’t even hear of sharing! In such instances, I just give up – after all, it is nice to go back home with some money still left in my wallet for a change.

I’m sure the list goes on and on. Some of these habits can certainly be annoying,.. but then again that is who we are. Remember, we could do a lot worse.


^*1 - Pola is a traditional Sunday roadside market where prices are negotiable and bargains are plentiful.
^*2 - Buses in Sri Lanka are clearly categorized into Government (or Public) owned and Private owned. These privately owned buses (known as "Private Buses") are everywhere and easily outnumbers Government owned buses by at least a ratio of 3 to 1.
^*3 - Sri Lankans use the word Aunty and Uncle to address or refer to almost anyone who is older than themselves in appearance. This includes total strangers they happen to meet on the road.
^*4 - Machan is a very versatile word. Although the true meaning of it is "brother-in-law" most Sri Lankan males use this word as an Australian would use the word "mate"; to convey camaraderie. Occasionally females also use the word to convey the same meaning.

Who dares Facebook?

The latest craze in online social utilities seems to be Facebook. I'm not the sort of fellow who spends hours on end online. But after several of my friends raved about it, I finally decided to try it out.

Although I use less than 10% of facebook's various tools and functionality, I have already hooked up with several of my long lost friends thanks to it's vast reach and great search engines. I find it to be a great "friend locator" than anything else.

There are some who registers but avoids putting their profile details including photographs due to privacy concerns. Maybe they have a point,.. but I guess without such profile details, it defeats the whole purpose.

Three-wheels will do.

What has got three tiny wheels, has a two stroke petrol engine with barely enough horsepower to run a toy aeroplane, a handlebar from a 1970s Italian scooter and a flimsy metal cage covered with cheap vinyl? A pile of junk you say? No,.. it is what we South Asians call a trishaw (aka “poor-man’s wheels”, “tuk-tuk” or “three-wheeler”). It is one of the best things to come out of India since Sunil Gavaskar.

When used properly, the “trishaw” can be an excellent and the most efficient mode of transport on busy and congested roads of metropolitan Sri Lanka. And I emphasize the words “when used properly”! ‘Cause most often than not, they are the worst traffic offenders ever.

Ever seen a trishaw trying to overtake a vehicle which is fifteen times more powerful than itself? It ain’t a pretty sight. You can’t help feel for the poor trishaw driver… even a staunch roadhog will stop or slow down his or her car and let the trishaw move ahead before the trishaw’s engine burns out. But once in a while, one would indulge in a little game called “whatever-you-can-do, I-can-do-better”. Let’s admit it; all of us have done this at least once, right?

If there is one thing that trishaw drivers can’t seem to tolerate more than anything, it would have to be idling in traffic. The dude or dudette (come to think of it, I’ve never seen a female trishaw driver) will try to inch away into any available space, not really thinking of a way to come out of it. For some reason it always reminds me of running WinZip on my harddrive.

If you have ever traveled in one of these mobile play-houses you would have come across a whole set of new experiences. Let’s just say it would rival the scariest theme park ride you’ve ever been to, sometime complete with sounds and neon lights too. Still, it will give you a unique experience that would leave a lasting impression. Must be the reason why a certain South African cricketer nearly ended up with more than he bargained for after his trishaw ride through Colombo. Even with all the brickbats we throw at them, on a rainy and dark night, especially when you are late and don’t have your wheels with you, I’m sure you would be glad the step into a trishaw. And don’t forget, not so long ago a trishaw driver did manage to get elected as the mayor of Colombo City. So they must be doing something right.

One little piece of parting advice though; make sure you agree on a fee with the driver before you step into the trishaw.