Google SPAM?

I heard so much about "Google Ads" thought I'd check it out. I registered myself using my Gmail account (being the obvious thing to do since they are both in the Google arena) a few days ago. I was informed that I would get a confirmation email within several days.

Several days came and went but no response... I thought maybe my humble blog just wasn't worthy of receiving the honor of hosting Google Ads and was quite seriously worried about losing out on millions of dollars of potential income through them. Quite accidentally I noticed there was an interesting email on my default Gmail SPAM folder.

Surely Gmail cannot be so pedantic as to prevent it's own Google Ads email (well, they are in the same Google family after all) from reaching my inbox?

Some mothers do have ‘em! – Part 2

For those who read my last post, I am about the reveal our findings. For those who haven’t the foggiest what I’m on about, following is somewhat of a dramatized (and mostly cynical) version of personalities we (my drunken school buddies and I) believe exists in some Technical Organizations in Sri Lanka. All readers please keep in mind that I have not tried to portray any organization in particular. I’m attempting to paint a picture of a rather fictitious office. Any resemblance if exists is purely coincidental and not intended.

Big Wig

Is the Boss, the Don, the General, the El Supremo. Forget the board of directors - this person has absolute power – no matter what the constitution or company articles say. Anyone with half a brain will quickly wise-up to this fact. “Arse lickers” will waste no time – they will start working on him as if there is no tomorrow. The Big Wig will get the best spot in the car park, the best room in the office, the best laptop, the best furniture… I think you get the picture. But what is less apparent is that the Big Wig almost always listens to the Director’s recommendations.

Director

Although the Big Wig can ultimately overrule any action of a Director, it rarely happens. The relationship between these two is similar to a typical hierarchy in a Sri Lankan household. As the famous saying so eloquently put it, “Pa is boss as everyone knows, but what Ma says always goes”. And in most organizations the Big Wig is wise enough to allow the directors to make recommendations. Unlike the Big Wig, a Director’s absence is not highlighted very much. As a result some directors tend to take time off willy-nilly and can be seen at trendy coffee shops or the local golf course during the day. They also tend to travel a lot… and on business class too. Such liberties are mostly seen as wasting company money while contributing Jack (which sometimes is not very far from the truth).

Senior Manager

Way past his/her best. This person is very unlikely to move higher in the corporate ladder. The company doesn’t have the heart or in some instances, the courage to let him/her go. So instead, gives a corner room and assigns some unimportant piece of assignment and a couple of subordinates to keep him/her occupied. Most of the time it will be administrative work that is impossible to complete.

Manager

Supposed to report to the Senior Manager in theory. But is convinced the most effective way to perform is only if he/she bypasses two notches and reports directly to the Big Wig. And in most cases this is exactly what happens. As a result, most things the manager does (including stupid mistakes) get exposed at the highest levels of the organization and outside. By the time the mistakes are identified, it is too late to do anything. The cunning kind will always (and skillfully) put the blame on their subordinates in such cases, but is quick to claim any positive criticisms if any.

Junior Manager

Is the real worker. Most of the time, he/she will be called in to cover the Manager’s arse when the shit hits the fan. They work best when he/she has an un-dying appreciation for the Manager. Mostly a thankless job where he/she is not high enough on the corporate ladder to be able to claim fringe benefits like expense accounts, entertainment claims and worthwhile medicals nor he/she is low enough to be able to qualify for overtime double pay. Ends up working around the clock and develops alcohol addiction, heart conditions, gastritis and broken marriages as a result.

Techie

On par with junior Manager on the ol’ ladder. But has superior technical knowledge and the only kind who knows what exactly is inside the box that is being sold. Due to this reason, everybody (including the Big Wig) will tolerate their antics and occasional tantrums. A typical spoilt brat. Doesn’t give a damn about job security and what anyone else in the company thinks of them. Someday will be promoted to the Manager post and then his/her world starts crashing down like dominos.

Engineer

Has no idea of the company’s goals. Does exactly what the Techie tells them to do. Best describes as a worker ant or a production-line robot. Only goal in life is someday to end up in middle management as a Techie or a Junior Manager.

Trainee

This person sees the company best for what it really is. Will know exactly who pinched whose bottom at the Christmas party. But they don’t dare spill-the-beans or rock-the-boat during their “trainee” period. Secretly develops an infatuation for the most attractive person of the opposite sex at office. Most of the time this is the office Bimbo or the Chippendale in office admin.

Office Bimbo/Chippendale

Can be found in office admin mostly. Hired for their friendliness and attractiveness than anything else. Adds colour to the office. Also serves as the sole motivation for some employees to turn up at office in the morning. Usually ends up providing a rather entertaining story after the office Christmas party. Usually the Big Wig, a Director or a Senior Manager is also somehow entangled.

Consultant

The biggest fraud since fried ice-cream. All-fart and no-shit type of person. Manages to convince the Director or the Senior Manager to extend his/her contract for another year by claiming credit for someone else’s work. Or in some cases simply by using fear tactics. Appears to be busy most of the time in order to put off anyone trying to figure out exactly what this person does in the organization. While middle management and beyond falls for his/her charade, the actual worker ants and below will ridicule this personality behind his/her back everytime they get the chance.

Well,.. did I leave anyone out?

Some mothers do have ‘em! – Part 1

Big-match weekend! What a great excuse for getting back together with my old classmates and swig a few beers on a searing Saturday in Colombo.

Although I promised to be at the “grounds” at 11 am, I got held up at the dentist. I had to take my seven year old to the dentist y’see. It’s amazing how her teeth needs attention just as she is about to lose them for more permanent ones. I have been delaying it hoping for the toothfairy’s visit. Maybe I forgot to tip the toothfairly when I was young – for she never arrived in time. I digress...

Anyway,.. it was way past noon when I managed to haul myself up to the grounds. As I was reaching the entrance… “tweet, “tweet”... oh great! An SMS on a Saturday can only mean one thing… emergency at work! Cursing, I checked out the SMS. To my relief it was from one of the guys I was supposed to meet.. telling me they took off to lunch. They want me to come to FD for lunch. I knew better than to complain… after all I was at fault for being late.

As I was reaching FD, I could hear them blokes a mile away. Even from outside the door it was apparent that large volumes of alcohol are already in their bellies and in their bloodstreams. I pity the waiters who have to put up with such boisterous sorts in such instances.

I entered the private dining area to the obvious delight of the guys already under influence. Once the handshakes and high-fives (yes, we are still sixteen) were over, I settled down and promptly orders some drinks (soft ones… yes, they did “boo” at me for that). For some reason, seeing these guys already “blowing in the wind” and the prospects of “catching up” with a few tequilas wasn’t really attractive to me at the time. At Zanziba’s on a Friday night would have been a different case altogether.

Before long, the food came. And it was disappointingly ordinary for FD. Maybe the waiters wanted to teach us a lesson. After all it was Chinese and Confucius did say “He who is drunk will get no tasty food”. Or was it my mother-in-law who said that? Nevertheless, we were all famished and started to gobble up the grub. As the food hit our stomachs and the digestive enzymes did their thing, the conversation turned more civil and actually enjoyable (mum, if you are reading this, we didn’t speak with our mouths full). At this stage I must inform you that three out of the seven guys there were in IT industry, one in telecom, another in apparel (or in “garment” as we Sri Lankans like to put it) and the remaining two managing their own businesses. Quite predictably we started sharing stories from work (yes, we do not have a “life”... none of us are in entertainment or hospitality or fashion or advertising.. okeeeyyy??)

When we started comparing our workplaces, their personalities and their management styles (don’t you just love such talk?... they give me goosebumps), it dawned on us that there were definitely clear and identifiable groups of personalities across our workplaces. So we started to explore that over the traditional lychees. Of course being the sensible and leaner member of the group, I went for the caramel-de-cholesterol pudding.

I wanted to let them know that I might just be able to blog it... but then that would have been too geeky and would have surely received an even louder “booo”.

...to be continued!

A brief tribute to Sir Arthur C. Clarke

Anyone who played table-tennis with Sir Arthur C. Clarke at the Otters sports club will remember him to be a bit grumpy whenever he lost. But as far as I know that was the only flaw in this genius of a man. His contribution to futuristic theories and science fiction has been phenomenal. While “2001: A Space Odyssey” has been one of his most popular works, I especially enjoyed “Childhood's End", "The Fountains of Paradise", “Richter 10”, “The Hammer of God”, and the Rama series. He somehow manages to inject humanity and consciousness as well as technology into his stories. As a Sri Lankan, I have been honored that he adopted my country to settle down in.

In one of his famous quotes he said "The greatest tragedy in mankind's entire history may be the hijacking of morality by religion". But I don’t believe he would have minded me saying “May he attain Nibbana”!

Sorry Machan

They say every individual is different and cannot (or should not) be stereotyped. But I disagree and think as Sri Lankans, we clearly show certain “qualities” that give us that unique signature style. Now… I’m not taking about these new age, culturally merged, fast-food bellied, coffee shop loving, lets-do-lunch type Lankans. They have a totally separate set of habits – which I don’t intend to go into on this article. I’m talking about the original, full-blooded Sri Lankan you find at the Sunday Pola^*1 or on a typical “Private Bus”^*2.

We smile at everything; when we are happy, when we make a mistake, when we are stressed out, even when we are constipated (that comes from my friend who admitted that smiling helps very much… go figure!). Heck, we see some lunatic driving straight at you the wrong way on a one-way street. He will stop right in front of your vehicle and give you the best smile he can muster - somewhere in that smile are an apology and a request for you to make way for him. Of course being a Sri Lankan you would know that.

We overuse words like sorry, aunty (or uncle)^*3, sir, and machan^*4. Very frequently using them more than once in the same sentence. For example, it is not uncommon for us to say “Machan, sorry machan”.

We have an opinion on just about everything. From running the country to the selection of the national cricket team, we believe we can do better than whoever is in control.

The concept of doing something on time is mostly limited to a few auspicious events during traditional New Year’s celebrations. Being late for something is no big deal for us. It is common for someone to not turn up for an appointment and not even apologize for it when they finally do meet. The strange thing is that the other party will be fine with this –they won’t even expect an explanation.

Sri Lankans are touchy-feely type of people. When friends meet they tend to hold each other’s hands throughout the entire conversation (especially if you bump into a friend of the same sex on the road). Most non-Sri Lankans will put a homosexual connotation to this behavior – but we know better.

Just try paying the bill after you’ve just had a meal in a nice restaurant with several of your Sri Lankan friends. Every single person at the table will want to pay that bill, regardless of who is hosting the meal or the amount of the bill. They won’t even hear of sharing! In such instances, I just give up – after all, it is nice to go back home with some money still left in my wallet for a change.

I’m sure the list goes on and on. Some of these habits can certainly be annoying,.. but then again that is who we are. Remember, we could do a lot worse.


^*1 - Pola is a traditional Sunday roadside market where prices are negotiable and bargains are plentiful.
^*2 - Buses in Sri Lanka are clearly categorized into Government (or Public) owned and Private owned. These privately owned buses (known as "Private Buses") are everywhere and easily outnumbers Government owned buses by at least a ratio of 3 to 1.
^*3 - Sri Lankans use the word Aunty and Uncle to address or refer to almost anyone who is older than themselves in appearance. This includes total strangers they happen to meet on the road.
^*4 - Machan is a very versatile word. Although the true meaning of it is "brother-in-law" most Sri Lankan males use this word as an Australian would use the word "mate"; to convey camaraderie. Occasionally females also use the word to convey the same meaning.

What's in a name?

We are trying to name our newborn baby girl. It appears that the most appropriate letter to start with is "J"; Ideally "Ja". I prefer a name that is not very common and with some nice meaning to it. Anyone got any ideas?

It's a Girl!

On 5th early morning we were blessed with a little angel of a baby girl. Keeping with tradition we will be naming her according to her time of birth. I hope people out there, especially Sri Lankans, will be able to help me choose some names. Watch this space for details.